[Siqi’s Psychology Column]Finding the meaning and direction of life in a foreign country is not about epiphany but action

Chinese Herald columnist Skee

Instead of waiting to figure things out, it’s better to take the first step

When chatting with colleagues, friends, and relatives, I often hear a sentence: “I don’t know what the meaning of my life is.”

What is the meaning of living like this?

We tend to think of “finding the meaning of life” as an epiphany. It was as if one day a sudden inspiration came to me and everything became clear. But judging from psychological research, this rarely happens. The meaning and direction of life are rarely achieved through sudden enlightenment. It’s more about coming out.

Why do we think it is a misunderstanding to “think clearly about the direction first”?

We are taught from a young age to “find the purpose,” as if direction is something waiting to be discovered.

However, research in developmental psychology has found that people who truly have stable life goals often do not first find their mission before starting to act, but slowly develop a sense of meaning after investing in a certain field for a long time.

Stanford University’s research on “Purpose” points out that most people’s life direction gradually becomes clear through participation, experimentation, and persistence. in other words:Action first, meaning later.

1. Motivation does not bring meaning, competence does.One of the core theories of motivation psychology, self-determination theory finds that competence is one of the three intrinsic motivations of the self. Whether a person thinks he is competent at something is not achieved by “thinking clearly about his life goals” but by practicing repeatedly, building skills, forming habits, building self-confidence, and achieving a person’s sense of competence. When people continue to invest, make progress, and become proficient in a certain behavior, their intrinsic motivation will be enhanced and their sense of meaning will also be enhanced. That is to say: it is not “only when it makes sense, persist”, but “only when it makes sense does it feel meaningful”.

2. The secret recipe of clinical psychology: first-line action, and then change the emotional and psychological state.In clinical psychology, a very important and commonly used treatment method is called behavioral activation. For example, when treating depression, the logic of behavioral activation is not to wait for your mood to get better, but to act first to bring about mood changes. Various studies have repeatedly found that mood improvement often occurs after behavior, not before. This is completely consistent with “Don’t wait to find your direction in life before taking action.”

3. Writer James Clear popularized the identity theory (Identity-Based Habits) based on social psychology in the book “Atomic Habits”. This theory emphasizes that identity is usually not “confirmed first and then acted upon”, but is gradually strengthened through behavior. For example,

First start writing every day, and then gradually feel “I am a writer”
After I continued to exercise, I gradually realized that I am a health-conscious person.

You won’t change your life because you suddenly realize “this is my calling” one day, but because you have walked on a certain path for long enough, that path begins to become a part of you.

4. Interest and meaning are nurtured through long-term persistence.. Psychologist Angela Duckworth’s research on long-term persistence (Grit) found that it is closely related to success, and interest and enthusiasm (Passion) are often incubated in long-term persistence. One of her very important points is: passion is not a spark, but accumulation and long-term persistence ( “Passion develops through sustained interest and practice”）。

5. Neuroscience reveals humans’ high plasticity. From a neuroscientific perspective, repeated behaviors strengthen neural pathways → When neural pathways are strengthened, behaviors become more likely to occur→ Long-term investment will change cognition and sense of value. This is the core theory of neuroplasticity: when a person keeps doing something, the brain literally “makes room” for it. The sense of meaning is, to some extent, a neuro-enhanced experience.

If you’ve been wondering, “What’s the meaning of my life?” maybe you can try this: Instead of ruminating on that big question, try a different perspective.

Don’t ask: “What mission do I want to accomplish in this life?”

Instead, ask: “In my current life, what is one thing that I am willing to continue to invest in?”

For many Chinese living overseas, meaning often does not come from grand ideals, but from real and concrete connections in daily life.

You can start with these directions:

1. Find your own place among languages. If you live in a bilingual environment, maybe you can

Write a short article in Chinese or English every week
Open a public account to record immigrant life
Telling your experience in a foreign land in your native language expresses itself and slowly shapes your identity.

Expression itself slowly shapes identity. The identity is stable and the direction will gradually become clear.

2. Find a sense of initiative in family roles

After many overseas Chinese enter middle age, the focus of their lives often revolves around their children and family. Rather than seeing this as a “responsibility,” ask yourself:

Can I schedule quality parent-child time once a week?
Can I do something ordinary but heart-warming for my partner?
Can I incorporate my own growth into the family rhythm?

The meaning is sometimes not about expanding outward, but about increasing participation in existing roles.

3. Find a small sense of contribution in the community

Immigrant life can be isolating. But the sense of meaning often comes from “being needed.” You might be able to:

Participate in local Chinese community activities
do a volunteer service
Provide information and assistance to new immigrants
Take on a small role in a church, school, or association

It doesn’t have to be grandiose; staying involved will bring connection and direction in itself.

4. Keep an area “only for yourself” outside of work or profession.

If your job is just to make a living, you might be able to reserve a space for yourself:

Learn a new skill every month/three months/year
Fixed reading on a topic
Practice music, sports, or writing

If you devote yourself to something for a long time, you will slowly build up a sense of competence. A sense of competence will be transformed into a sense of recognition. A sense of identity will eventually transform into a sense of meaning.

Direction does not necessarily come from depth of thinking, but often from participation.If you have been thinking about the meaning of life, maybe you are not lacking answers, but you are lacking a direction in which you can stably invest.

To you in 2026:

If you look back at the end of 2026, in which direction would you like to be more mature?

Then ask yourself: What small adjustments can I make in my familiar living environment to make this more likely to happen?

Meaning is not necessarily a beacon in the distance, it is more like a path you walk every day. When you are willing to keep walking, that path will slowly become your direction.